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Grammar, wording, cleanup, and out-of-universe wording

Xilinoc March 19, 2013 User blog:Xilinoc

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Hi there. I'm Xilinoc, the head of the Grammar Corner on Bleach Wiki. As of late, I've noticed some people seem to be struggling with fixing grammar, neatly wording articles, finding things to remove for cleanup, and avoiding out-of-universe wording. As such, I feel making a blog on the various types of issues which can be fixed when editing and how to fix them will help others in future editing. Without further ado, let's start with the big one: grammar.

Grammar

There are many different types of grammatical errors which can be found and made during editing. Here are some of the more common ones I find:

  • They, he, she, etc. being used too many times between clauses, often by forgetting about the first main clause in the sentence.
    • Sample: "Ichigo says he, having attacked his friend, he must go down."
    • Fixed: "Ichigo says he, having attacked his friend, must go down."
  • Predication errors made by not making the two parts of a sentence work together, often by getting distracted mid-sentence and finishing the sentence without reading the first half. A predication error is often created by using the wrong word to describe something.
    • Sample: "Nnoitra states attacking him is fallacious because he can't be cut by his sword."
    • Fixed: "Nnoitra states attacking him is futile because he can't be cut by his sword."
  • Making parallel structure mistakes, often by forgetting a list is being made. Parallel structure errors are basically using the wrong tense or type of word for an item in a list.
    • Sample: "Zanka no Tachi can burn away anything, protect Yamamoto with the flames of the sun, and summoning an army of the dead to overwhelm the enemy."
    • Fixed: "Zanka no Tachi can burn away anything, protect Yamamoto with the flames of the sun, and summon an army of the dead to overwhelm the enemy."
  • Passive voice, while technically not a grammatical error, should be avoided when describing something. If you listen to a politician talking, you will know exactly what this is. Passive voice is putting the verb before the noun, adding a past-tense verb before that, and adding a by phrase to show who did it.
    • Sample: "Ichigo was stabbed in the chest by Ulquiorra."
    • Fixed: "Ulquiorra stabbed Ichigo in the chest."
  • Run-on sentences created by not properly separating clauses with colons (:), semi-colons (;), dashes ( - ), hyphens (-), and, of course, commas (,).
    • Sample: "Coyote Starrk is a lazy Espada he likes nothing more than to lounge around all day yet is one of the most powerful fighters in Aizen's Arrancar army he easily took on Shunsui Kyōraku Jushiro Ukitake Love Aikawa and Rōjūrō Ōtoribashi each of whom is a captain-class Shinigami by himself."
    • Fixed: "Coyote Starrk is a lazy Espada - he likes nothing more than to lounge around all day - yet is one of the most powerful fighters in Aizen's Arrancar army: he easily took on Shunsui Kyōraku, Jushiro Ukitake, Love Aikawa, and Rōjūrō Ōtoribashi - each of whom is a captain-class Shinigami - by himself."
  • Dangling modifiers attached to the wrong noun. A dangling modifier is a descriptive term or phrase.
    • Sample: "Byakuya attacks Zommari, trying to protect Rukia, who eventually releases his Zanpakutō, Brujería."
    • Fixed: "Trying to protect Rukia, Byakuya attacks Zommari, who eventually releases his Zanpakutō, Brujería."

Wording

You may be asking yourself "Why does Xilinoc have a section on wording? I've read through the articles on this site, and they all seem fine." That statement is correct; wording is not a major issue in articles. However, in order to improve the articles, instead of using simple sentences, you should uses clauses and phrases to sound more professional. Here are a couple changes I tend to make when rewording sentences.

  • Changing actions into verbal phrases and moving them in front of or behind the person performing them, making the sentence a bit more complex and flowing. A verbal phrase is a clause that starts with a verb.
    • Sample: "Nnoitra attacks Grimmjow and states he will cut him down for being so weak."
    • Fixed: "Attacking Grimmjow, Nnoitra states he will cut him down for being so weak."
  • Merging sentences together to make the paragraph flow better. This is usually achieved by changing the generic noun or pronoun. Before the sample, here's a list of the generic nouns which can be replaced and what they can be replaced with.
    • He, she, they (subject pronouns): replace with who.
    • Him, her, them (object pronouns): replace with whom.
    • It, they, them: replace with which.
    • Then: replace with when.
    • there: replace with where.
    • His, hers, their: replace with whose.
    • it, he, she, they, him, her, them: replace with that.

Before we move on, you may have noticed how I wrote "that" in red instead of teal. That, while able to replace most any generic noun, is very, very overused. With extremely few exceptions, it can either be replaced or removed entirely, the latter of which I will explain in the cleanup section. Now, let's move on to the sample.

    • Sample: "Tier Harribel attacks Hitsugaya. He, blocking the attack, thinks back on Aizen's betrayal."
    • Fixed: "Tier Harribel attacks Hitsugaya, who, blocking the attack, thinks back on Aizen's betrayal."

Cleanup

While cleanup generally refers to removing pointless information and details from articles, in this case, I'm referring to pointless words within sentences which serve only to hinder the flow of the paragraph. Before the sample, here is a list of words which can be removed from sentences, improving their flow and cleaning up the page:

  • That
  • Then
  • Suddenly/all of a sudden/out of nowhere
  • However

Now for the sample.

    • Sample: "As Hiyori says that Ichigo is a weakling, Ichigo's inner Hollow, suddenly taking over, grabs her by the throat and then begins to strangle her."
    • Fixed: "As Hiyori says Ichigo is a weakling, Ichigo's inner Hollow, taking over, grabs her by the throat and begins to strangle her."

Out-of-universe wording

This is a very important section to remember. We want to keep this wiki in-universe, and this kind of wording can be easily overlooked. This wording is only okay in the trivia section of an article. Before we get to the sample, here is a list of out-of-universe phrases.

  • In/during/before/after the [insert arc name here} arc...
  • [insert name here] is a character...
  • In Bleach/the manga/the anime...
  • [insert name here] is shown...
  • ...in the series...

With that done, here's the sample.

    • Sample: "Nnoitra is shown to be one of the most foul-mouthed characters in the series."
    • Fixed: "Nnoitra is an extremely foul-mouthed man, even more so than Grimmjow Jaegerjaquez."

Wrap-up

That about does it for editing guidelines when it comes to these topics. Try and adhere to these when editing, and if you have any further questions, feel free to pose them to me on my talk page.

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